I took part of a major event last week. I designed a stage for a school fashion show. It was more of a favor for a friend than an actual job. Big production it was – AFP Theater, dance numbers, a catwalk, fog machines – the works. And a huge prod like this would also definitely bring out huge stress and pressure on me.
But wait there’s more… overlapping with the fashion show schedule, a good friend who’s getting married asked me to design her wedding venue. Nothing fancy, just a bit of dressing up some annoying pillars in the middle of nowhere. Totally easy to do but the schedule killed me and pressured me all the more.
So now I have a confession to make. I was not able to handle stress the way I should have. As much as I tried to avoid it, I turned to the one thing I knew how to do when all hell breaks loose. I bought a pack of cigarettes. And I’m not proud of it.God was not proud of it either and the funny thing about Him is that He made sure I get the message.
God’s Shoutout # 1: After a stick, I got a text message from my mom. She seldom sends forwarded messages and this was a crazy day to send me one. And I quote:
When Joseph was tempted by Potiphar’s wife, He said, “How then can I do this great wickedness and sin against God?” (Gen. 39:9).
And in Psalm 51 David confessed, “Against You. You only, have I sinned (verse 4).
Surely David knew he had stolen another man’s wife and murdered a loyal soldier. Yet he went to the heart of the matter, no excuses, no rationalization. He had sinned against God! That’s the admission God is looking for because He longs to give us mercy and forgiveness.
Kamusta na anak?
That was her actual message. That was HIS actual message. Did I listen? Not yet.
God’s Shoutout #2: On the second of my 3 chaotic days, I still got the pack in my car and I still went for a puff or two. Mind you (and I’m not being defensive, just an FYI) I am not able to finish a whole stick because I’m no longer used to the taste (I quit in March of this year).
At the wedding venue when I got back from the smoking area, I noticed that I had a missed call. It was Anne, my small group leader. I wasn’t able to ring her back or send a text message because I was busy decorating but she did catch me again at a later time.
I was taken aback when she told me she called earlier because for some reason she could not understand, she had a strong urge to pray for me.
God speaks through other people indeed. Did I listen? Slightly so.
God’s Final Shoutout: On the day of the actual event stress level hits past the AFP Theater rooftop. A major supplier was late causing every other possible delay for the rest of us. I went to my car for another stick only to find my pack gone.
I searched the compartments but it was not there. Then I found this note:
Dear Eka,
You have 2 choices now that you’ve realized na ninakaw at tinapon ko na yung yosi and lighter mo.
1. Curse me and buy a new one.
2. Don’t buy a new one and remember why you stopped in the first place. And how you stopped.
The King of the mountain is still the King of the valley.
Oh I love you with the love of the Lord (2x).
Love, Jael (concerned)I told her about the temptation and that I had given in and asked her to pray for me. But I had no idea that she saw where I hid my pack and took time out of her frenzied schedule to throw it out and write me a note.
God definitely got to me that third time. I felt like Peter who had three strikes before realizing he was out.
I felt like the kids at the fashion show who were not giving their all during rehearsals but got me amazed at how they transformed into professional models when they knew someone important, like their parents, were watching them.
I should be at performance level AT ALL TIMES. I realized that even when I’m alone, God sees me and would want me to be pleasing to His eyes. He was watching me.
I felt really bad for what I did. For not being strong enough and for giving in to temptation. I felt bad that God had to catch my attention three times before I finally listened. I was so mad at myself for acting the way I did.
But I also realized that I need not beat myself up for it anymore. Someone already took the beating for me 2000 years ago. I just need to believe that Jesus had already done it for me, that He did it to forgive me and that I should forgive myself too.
God wanted to catch my attention to remind me of His grace and mercy. And that day, after reading the note, I repented and asked forgiveness. I moved forward and did remind myself of the reason I quit smoking in the first place nine months ago. I will not go back anymore. I love God more than I love myself.
To Him be all the glory and praise.