Dear 2018
I feel that on your last day, you have detected my mood and queued in the rain. I can’t help but get nostalgic looking back to the days that have passed. So much has happened and you’ve thrown me into so many changes, most of which are against my will. I had to adjust my life and scrap off some of my future plans when you broke me. You threw in so many hurtful moments into my life that it got me questioning if all of these are still worth it. You allowed me to doubt myself and lose confidence in my capabilities and this got me so down that this year’s lowlights outweigh all the highlights.
But to be fair, I know that you also replaced a lot of what was taken away from me with something much better. I can’t say that everything is now in its proper order because it’s definitely far from it, but I know we’re on the way there. Maybe 2019 will take over all those pending happiness and healing that I’ve been craving for.
Cliche as it may sound but it’s true that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Although there were moments when I just I wish I were dead but hey, I’m still here, keeping my head above the waters while threading furiously underneath. And while this may sound like a struggle now, I know that this builds endurance and muscles that I need to move forward to the new year. I will be stronger and better and wiser and will not let the battles of my fucked up life pin me to the ground.
I look forward to 2019 with gratitude for the blessings I know I took for granted and for the chance to put back together what is broken and to still be able to love. To still be able to love.
Eka